Law enforcement officers spend countless hours training on use of force policy, learning indicators of deceptive behavior, and other beneficial lessons to be used on duty, but there are times those skills do not carry over into personal lives. Maybe it is because of the things dealt with on duty that particular day, or the bad-timing of a sore subject brought up by spouses. Now, typically, no sworn officer would arrive on a call and escalate it intentionally with verbal skills, rather, all are trained to attempt to de-escalate a call, when feasible, using communication skills. It’s the approach, it’s the tone of communication, the body language, eye contact, active listening, and all of these things together can make a tremendous difference if applied, not only on duty, but in marriage.
One of the most difficult tasks is the transition from duty to home life at the end of shift. It’s not a fair presumption that your officer should change his or her mindset simply because they are “off-duty,” even if their level of situational awareness and stress level may change when at home. An open line of communication can mean the difference in having a lifelong marriage of bliss or a story of heartbreak and disaster.
When it comes to communicating about on duty issues, set boundaries and stick within those boundaries, and if you need to talk about something with someone else, then do it! Maybe you feel like you are protecting your spouse by not sharing the gory, raw details, and that’s fine to an extent. But, do not allow those things to develop into more serious issues resulting in you shutting down communication with your spouse or being aggressive in your approach to communicate.
The bottom line? As believers in Christ, we should strive to exemplify love in all we do, but especially towards our own spouse. Maybe your marriage has been rocky, or communication has not been at it’s best, but this is a great time to change that.
How can you, as an officer, be more intentional with your approach to communicate with your spouse in a loving manner? As the spouse of a law enforcement officer, how can you be the best support for your officer and prepare an open line of communication?
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